I wish answering the age-old question of “should I get back with my ex? ” was easy.
But it’s not that simple is it?
After all that’s why you’re on the net searching, searching, searching.
You’ve spoken to your friends, your colleagues and maybe even your barrister about it. I can guarantee that they all have an opinion on it too!
Someone knows someone’s sister, who broke up with their ex and a year later they were married.
Or your hairdresser’s cousin went back with their ex after they cheated and found out they had another family in another state!
Only none of those stories apply to you because you’re a different person and only two people truly know what happened in your relationship.
So here are a few quick questions to help you figure out if you should indeed get back with your ex.
- Why did you break up in the first place?
Let’s start with this question. It’s an important one because this will tell you if the relationship can progress and move in a forward direction. Or if indeed the relationship is unsalvageable and it’s better to go your own way.
- If it comes down to someone having to change, are they willing and able to change?
Can they prove to you over time that this is possible for them? Often people have great intentions to change; they have the desire and the willingness, but are not just quite there on the ability front.
- Are you prolonging the break up for further down the track?
I know the seductive pull of being with someone who makes you feel all warm and gooey inside right now, but for whatever reason they cannot commit to you long term. This is the case of instant versus delayed gratification. Staying in a situation that feels good right now (but probably wont down the track) is instant gratification.
Delayed gratification on the other hand looks like breaking up now and working on loving the shiz out of life. You’ll meet another person who CAN commit to you and you’ll have that warm gooey feeling all the time. Hurrahs!
- Can you forgive and move forward?
Perhaps the reason for the break up was a betrayal. You’re not sure about going back, however there is still so much good in the relationship. If you’re thinking about going back and healing the relationship, you’ll need to eventually forgive and move forward. This can be tricky, however the relationship will not last if you’re holding onto resentment and you’re unable to move forward.
It would take a crystal ball to know if going back with the ex is a good idea or not. Our friends and relatives can give us advice which is based on protecting you and your feelings. It’s important to look at the facts of why you broke up in the first place, as well as the meaning of it all.